Jacked Squared: Jack-Off As You Get Jacked

Tired of not hitting your workout goals? Try Jacked², an accessory that jacks you off as you get your muscles jacked up. It ingeniously couples your workout equipment with a silicone sleeve to combine weight lifting with self-pleasure.

How Jacked² works

As I have already pointed out, it masturbates you as you lift your weights (Pump ‘n’ tug). It is retrofitted with a silicone sleeve where you insert your penis, lube up, and let the mechanism move per your reps.

Pump ‘n’ Tug

jacked saquared pump n tug

You can use the Jacked² as you perform exercise routines such as:

  • Bench press
  • Military press
  • Grips

Bench press

order jacked squared

Military press

jacked squared military press


jacked squared grips

Bonus Features

In addition to “pump ‘n’ plug”, you can enjoy the following added features:

Tug ‘n’ plug

Fix an adapter mount to your equipment to enable you to watch content on your phone as you go through your drills. I bet you won’t be catching up on the weather news down there 😉

jacked squared tug n plug

Sip ‘n’ rip

This handy accessory lets you slurp your protein shake as you exercise.

jacked squared sip n rip

Pump ‘n’ dump

I won’t go into details here. I will assume you get the idea here

jacked squared pump n dump

Maximum Power System

For extra cash, you can have the maximum power system do the lifting for you. It will surely be a jack-off session; no weight lifting, only pleasure… like this gentleman:

jacked squared amazon


Okay, I know I may have misled you with the video but sadly (or fortunately), the Jacked Squared – the device to get you jacked while getting jacked-off – does not exist.

Now, let’s think about how Jacked Squared could have worked for a second:

Although I can’t put it past some people to consider using it, I reckon the rest of us would find it a bit weird to whip out our schlongs mid-workout and start to masturbate to add those extra reps.

I mean, how comfortable would you be to see your gym buddy fiddling with his erect penis and groaning sexually as he tried to eke out a few more reps? Not very comfortable, I presume.

Any alternatives out there?

Since you can’t have it both ways, and this is a sex-themed website, I do have some REAL jerk off machines that let you masturbate without using your hands. (Much like the “Maximum Power System” towards the end of that presentation):

Alternative #1: Fleshlight Launch

Fleshlight LaunchThe Fleshlight Launch is an interactive masturbation device that takes up a Fleshlight masturbation sleeve and jerks you off with it with you not having to use your hands to thrust it. It generates a novel feeling that feels as close to having sex or receiving a blowjob or handjob from someone else as you can get.

It is an interactive sex toy because you can synchronize it with specially coded porn so that its strokes match the penis thrusts taking place in the video. In that sense it is hands-free (but not entirely because you have to hold it in place).

You can take your experience to the next level by pairing it with VR Goggles.

If you don’t want to use the interactive feature, you can control it manually. There are two touch-sensitive pads on the device that you can use to control thrust speed and depth.

Alternative #2: Fleshlight Quickshot Launch

Fleshlight Quickshot LaunchIt also takes up a masturbation sleeve and thrusts it without involving your hands. The only difference between the Fleshlight Quickshot Launch and the Fleshlight Launch is that this one only uses the Fleshlight Quickshot masturbation sleeve while the latter uses standard-sized Fleshlights.

Although it is a hands-free masturbation device, you need to use your hands to hold it in place and control it (if you are using manual mode).

Alternative #3: Kiiroo Onyx 2

If you want to get in on some of this hands-free masturbation action we have been waxing lyrical about but do not own a Fleshlight pocket pussy, the Onyx 2 would be right up your alley.

While the two Launch devices require you to affix them with a masturbation sleeve that they then move up and down your penis, the Kiiroo Onyx 2 uses contracting rings to jerk you off. The interior is, therefore, lined with soft Super Skin material.

The Onyx 2 gets you off by having the rings contract rhythmically giving you the illusion of having a tight vagina caress your penis in a very sensual way. The interior is also textured to accentuate the sensations.

Like the Launch devices, you can either operate the Onyx 2 manually – using a trackpad on the side – or interactively.

The World is not ready for a Jacked Squared workout kit

I have to say that mixing pleasure with working out is a bad idea. I have done my fair share of weight lifting and the thing that pushes you to finish your sets is a reward towards the end – perhaps even a jerk off session.

Besides, having the reward at the same time as working out would water down the intensity of your workout.

I know this took a detour into masturbation devices quite unexpectedly (maybe not), but the real unique selling point for the Jacked Squared concept if it truly existed would be hands-free masturbation.

While I have you here, check out this hydraulic sex machine for lazy couples (Spoiler Alert: It is also a fictional product but you can’t help but have a good laugh at it)

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