Ray Maor has a simple way in which guys can introduce aspects of Tantra to your lovemaking. As he correctly points out, most of us are more concerned with the end (orgasm and ejaculation) rather than the means. The journey or the means to the end is just as important if not more important.
The journey is remarkable because it provides you with an opportunity to connect with your partner physically and on a deep emotional level. When you integrate Tantra, the journey will become more spiritual.
PART 1: PHYSICAL ASPECT OF TANTRIC SEX
With this guide, we will focus on the physical aspects of having Tantric sex. Ray introduces easy steps that you should take to start making your sexual experiences more meaningful. Before we dive into these steps, we need to understand the underlying principle behind Tantric sex.
Can you Separate Orgasm from Ejaculation?
Did you know that you can separate the male orgasm from the ejaculation?
Have you ever noticed that when you have an intense orgasm accompanied by ejaculation, you get tired? There is a simple explanation: when you ejaculate, you spill millions upon millions of sperm cells. It is like having a part of you yanked out. Losing all those life-giving cells takes a toll on your energy levels.
It is common knowledge that when a man is having sex, his orgasm is usually accompanied by ejaculation of semen. We have been doing this for thousands of years and have, therefore, accepted this as the norm.
This property as entrenched in our DNA can be explained from an evolutionary standpoint: During our caveman days, the world was full of dangers. Therefore, our ancestors could not afford to have sex for long periods at a time. Sex was just a means to an end; for reproductive purposes. As we evolved, the muscles involved with orgasms were intertwined with ejaculatory muscles to help us spread our genes as fast as possible. It allowed us to spend the rest of the time alert to the dangers lurking in the forest.
However, the two can be separated from each other. That is the underlying principle behind the multi-orgasmic man. The multi-orgasmic concept stipulates that a man can have many orgasmic experiences devoid of ejaculation.
All we have to do is train the involuntary muscle responsible for ejaculation to bring it under our control. In the modern age, we are not in constant danger, and we can afford not to ejaculate every time we have sex.
When you remove ejaculation from the equation, a man gets to retain the sexual energy that would otherwise be lost as a result of this release thus enabling him to have more than one orgasm.
By not ejaculating, we get rid of the normal refractory period during which you have to rebuild your sexual energy resources. This practice is the basis of the multi-orgasmic man and the operating principle of Tantric Sex.
How Can You Have Tantric Sex as a Beginner?
Tantric Sex for beginners is done using two techniques. These two tools are co-dependent and are meant to help you to have dry orgasms.
Dry orgasms are the ones that men have without producing semen. To achieve such an orgasm, you need to control the involuntary ejaculation muscle. The two techniques that Ray talks about that you can use to manage your ejaculation are:
The million dollar point
The million dollar point is a point between the testicles and the anus. It is around 3 centimeters beneath the ball sac.
When you are about to ejaculate, the semen travels through the million dollar point before it gets into the urethra (penis). When you press the million dollar point, you will stop the sperm from going past it.
You need to press it with it with the index and middle fingers for around 15 to 20 seconds. Apply a substantial amount of pressure to stem the flow of semen. You will not necessarily get it right with your first try. Don’t beat yourself up too much and give it another try.
If you stop the semen from coming out, you will have a more extended orgasm. In addition to that, you will be ready to have more sex immediately after because you will retain your sexual energy.
Nevertheless, Ray insists that this tool is not a permanent fix. It is mainly used by beginners to help introduce the concept of dry orgasms. It is also meant to prepare you for the next step: hands-free control.
Control ejaculation using the PC muscle
It is the next step to full ejaculatory control. Before you learn how to use this muscle to stop yourself from ejaculating, you need to identify it.
The PC muscle can be spotted when you pee. If you try to stop the urine from flowing midflow, the tissue that you use is the one that you will use to prevent the semen from coming out.
Inherently, this muscle is not strong as you will notice that it is tough to stop the urine as it flows. Fortunately, you can strengthen it through exercise.
You can do Kegel exercises, or you can make it a habit of trying to stop the pee midstream every time you are in the bathroom. If you strengthen this muscle enough, you can use it to prevent yourself from ejaculating during sex.
When you are nearing orgasm, squeeze this muscle. As you do that, imagine that your sexual energy is flowing from your lower body (where it is concentrated) to the upper body. Try to pull this energy upwards from the lowest chakra to the highest chakra (head).
Chakra is an ancient word that means “wheel”. According to old teachings, the life force of the human body is constantly spinning. it has 7 centers along the body starting from the bottom to the top. These seven points can be viewed as wheels (chakras).
You need to master deep breathing exercises to manipulate the energy and move it along your chakras. When you spread the energy, it will not be concentrated in your sexual organs allowing you to assume control.
It is crucial that you start the exercise before you are too aroused. As Ray theorizes, start the exercise at 80% arousal rather than 90%. It is also something that you will learn with time.
When you successfully stop yourself from ejaculating, you will have a milder form of orgasm. But even then, it will be powerful and pleasurable.
After that, your arousal level will start rising gradually as your body prepares you for the next cycle of orgasm. The whole sexual experience will take as long as you and your partner want. The subsequent orgasms will also be more intense.
Helpful tips to keep you in touch with your Tantric Sex experience
As you genuinely connect with your partner, there are three things that you need to observe.
Tip 1: Ensure that your breathing patterns are congruent with the flow of sexual energy. Breathe deeply and mindfully from the bottom to the top in tandem with your energy.
Tip 2: Keep your thoughts in the present. Don’t allow your mind to wander off to other things. Concentrate on the current moment that you are having with your partner to capture the essence of Tantric sex.
Tip 3: Be mindful of your partner. Your thoughts about your partner are vital to having a meaningful experience. If you think of yourself as having a lovemaking session rather than “just sex,” you are on the right track. This kind of emotional experience works better on a long-term partner.
PART 2: MENTAL ASPECT OF TANTRIC SEX
The state of your mind will dictate whether you will pull it off or fail. In the beginning, expect to fall flat because that’s how learning any new skill is, anyway.
If you have never meditated, I would advise you to consider getting into that before you proceed here. It is a pre-requisite that will make things very easy for you.
However, since you have never experienced this before, I will do my best to put it in as simple terms as I possibly can without diluting the meaning.
You can always refer to the video if audiovisual does it better for you.
The Two Pillars of a Tantric Sex Mindset
There are two points that Ray identifies as necessary to set yourself up for a Tantric experience:
Sex Strives for the unification of our energies
Masculinity has its power and femininity has its energy. In the realm of duality, nature tries to bring the two energies together through sex.
If you don’t pay attention to the flow of energy, there will be a disconnect, and although you will have an orgasm, it will be nowhere near as good as what you can have.
When you achieve unity, you will be experiencing a deeper connection and rewarded with a more intense experience (coupled with an intense orgasm).
The Orgasmic State is Timeless
Borrowing from Einstein’s theory of Relativity, the concept of time is relative. That explains why when you have a delightful experience, time moves super fast and a torturous experience feels like ages.
The orgasmic state is not subject to time because you shift to a reality where the concept of time does not exist. It may sound a bit counterintuitive, but I encourage you to do more research on the subject.
How to Prepare For Tantric Sex
If you want to tap into this rich experience, there are two crucial requirements:
Requirement #1: Don’t try this stuff on a one-night stand or with a casual partner. Practice this with your partner who is open to it and wants to journey with you.
Requirement #2: Prepare your environment. Clear up your schedule, clean up your room, take a shower (both of you), light up some candles (optional), and remove distractions such as Phones and other electronics. With electronics, switch them off. Ensure that the place is quiet.
If you are a woman reading this, you need to learn how to introduce the subject to your partner without making him feel emasculated.
Mind his ego and don’t attach the “failure” label to his shortcomings. View it as trying something and having fun while you’re at it.
Treat it as an event and give it adequate time.
What to Focus On During Tantric Sex
Pay attention to where your mind goes during sex. Don’t think about other things because you will lose concentration and interest. Here is where your mind should be:
#1: Focus on the person at each particular moment. Don’t focus on what you will do in the future or the past. Strive to make them enjoy the moment as well as you enjoy the moment in equal measure. Obsessing with their enjoyment robs you of your contentment and ends up serving your ego (I can make her satisfied because I am the best she has ever had).
#2: Your Breathing pattern. The breaths should be longer and deeper than usual, and you should also visualize the movement of air within your body. That is why you need to slow down and take your time with the activity.
#3: The rate of thrusting should be rhythmic. The speed at which you thrust during Tantric Sex is noticeably slower than the ordinary quickie experience. The relatively slow pace is a consequence of you concentrating on your breathing and your intimate thoughts about your partner.
The Final Word
As Ray correctly notes, you will not automatically “get it” when you first start experimenting this. Expect some failures along the way because that is the best way to learn. You may even question why you are doing it, but if you stick to it, you will be rewarded with more intensely pleasant experiences.